I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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