Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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