Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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