Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't put those talents on a resume
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
