Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize