I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
