I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
