Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
