Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
