i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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