I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
