dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
