Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
