My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
