im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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