There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
