i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
