I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize