You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
