At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize