i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
