No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
