he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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