have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
