the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
