every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
