I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
