Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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