He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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