K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize