As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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