i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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