Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
