You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
