M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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