Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
