ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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