at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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