Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
