Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
