Sponge bath it is.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
