I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
