take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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