He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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