on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How does one acquire holy water?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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