a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
