I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
