I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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