i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just blew my weed a kiss
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
