I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My vagina is officially offended.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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