I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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