My friends, they love my intelligence
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
