I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
