Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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