I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
