i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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