Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this beer tastes like vomit already
love makes seman taste better
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
