Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
