Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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