i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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