I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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