Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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