you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
