And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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