I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize