By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
