I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
