He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
