It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
