oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
