Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize