I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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