I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
