why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
