please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
