Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
3pm strippers are depressing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
