I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
