I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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