pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
