TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
