Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
