I looked at my own cervix.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
