O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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