You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize