How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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