i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
