Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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